Monday, March 3, 2014

The Break of Spring

bum bum bum buh da bum bum. bum bum bum buh da bum bum *under pressure*

At my university, it is tradition that freshmen in the Greek system venture off to Gulf Shores, Alabama, for spring break. I fulfill both said requirements, ergo I will be one of the spirited youngsters doing the venturing. As this trip rapidly approaches, (T-minus five days) the pressure of having a crazy fun spring break has got my mind swimming with ideas of what exactly is going to happen.

The only real references I have to go off of are bad independent films and glimpses of MTV specials. I do have older siblings, but only my brother ever went on the super soaker version of spring break, and with him being my protective big brother, he didn't really dive into the nitty gritty details. So here is how, according to American pop culture, my spring break should go down:

1) After an extremely satisfying road trip full of bonding with my friends, we'll arrive at a beach packed with beautiful, tan, half-naked men and women all buzzed on Natty.

2) I'll join in on the craziness and be so happy-go-lucky that I'll completely forget of the midterms, essays, and general responsibilities that will be giving me stress in a few short weeks.

3) I should be looking HAWT in my new bikini from Victoria's Secret and absolutely LOVING the perverted attention from male onlookers.

4) At some point I will be arrested and will be bailed out by James Franco to become part of his illegal drug distribution business. (Hopefully after all the recklessness I'll remember to ask for Dave's number.)

5) There will be camera's for Girls Gone Wild all over the place; I will not be able to look at some people the same way-- ever. again.

6) Ashanti and Fat Joe will perform.

I fully believe these scandalous predictions of spring break will happen. And yes, I consider Ashanti and Fat Joe performing to be scandalous. I mean, what is this, 2007? If these things don't occur, call up my attorney because that means the media falsely portrayed an event, skewing it to appear more glamorous and sexy than it actually is--which we all know would be morally unsound... right?

If I don't make it back alive, I'd like to leave my Gossip Girl Series DVDs to Ann Thetard and my collection of pressed pennies to Taylor Holmes.

No comments:

Post a Comment